Thursday, April 19, 2018


House of Prayer and Crucified Love

 I am still working on getting a job -every time things come together someone cuts my communication with my people. But God is greater than evil and sometimes His war for a soul takes years. I need to start collecting funds for this... after I work I will find a place to do this but maybe I rushed it hoping people would respond generously within a few months. I guess the identity theft confused some. As most know my bank was laundered, but I will find a trustworthy place to begin funds. Gofundme wasn't supported so I will have to find another means. Mail has been intercepted, but please start praying about helping me with this idea.

 House of Prayer and Crucified Love+


                       

***Note*** Go Fund Me says that if you share your page on Facebook you have a %350greater chance of success. I don't have Facebook (my friends in these pictures didn't use computers). If you could please link this I would be really thankful! Many people giving a little helps a lot.


 I am going to be simple and just answer the questions that the Go Fund Me page suggests I write about here.May St. Joseph, whose Feast we celebrate today and who I believe inspired me to make this page, intercede for us all!

 My name is Mary Kloska... a nobody according to my definition in the linked article above 'Holy Foolishness,' but a daughter of the Father, the wife of Jesus, the spiritual mother and sister of the souls that God has brought to me over the years. I graduated from Notre Dame in 1999, served as a missionary and lived as a hermit all over the world until 2011 when I became a Diocesan Hermit for three years. During the time in the missions I lived a private consecration to Jesus according to a spirituality of littleness, spousal love and the cross. My hermit rule from 2011-2014 reflected this spirituality. During the three years I lived as a hermit I spent my time between adoration at Churches and in a little 6x10 hermitage built in the woods on my parents' property. It was a little heaven that allowed for me to grow deeper with the Lord and form beautiful relationships with my 'spiritual children' of the Diocese where I lived.
 
 

 For the last couple of years I have tried to continue my life of prayer while discerning the next step Jesus wants for my life. I love long hours of prayer with Him in solitude, but also want to be available to others for spiritual counsel and simply being the presence of Love. Years ago an idea came to me of a 'Bethany House of Prayer' -similar to the Modonna House idea of Poustinias (you can order the book or read their blog for more information) -simply the presence of Prayer and Love in the midst of the poor -being available to them as the Lord may bring them to me. Bethany was the village where Mary, Martha and Lazarus provided a place of rest for Jesus during His journies. I want my house to be His place of rest in prayer, as well as hospitable when He shows His Face to me through needy people. Here are some good articles:The Key to a Lonely Heart,  The Wisdom of My Island,  The Silence Within,  The Inn of My Heart

 Not all people understand this form of life, but a good explanation can be found if you google this article: You used to be so active (by Fr. David May - Madonna House Apostolate). I have always had a place in my heart for the Lord's most suffering little ones in whom I see Baby Jesus Crucified -and I found great joy in loving them quietly in the missions where I served. My life was always a balance of prayer and love, breathing in Jesus' presence and breathing it out on those He would bring to me. For it is His Love that connects us all most deeply. I am looking for a place to bury myself with Him in such a form of life -and then to allow Him to bear fruit.

I finally have found an idea that would balance both my life of intense prayer/solitude with the gift of sharing that fruit with others. But now I desperately need to raise money to get me started in such an apostolate. I always lived on Divine Providence (very poor, but on what the Lord shared with me -see the above article) and the last few years of spiritual battle and discernment have left me literally with nothing. I planned on finding a mission where I would serve until death, but Jesus had other ideas and sent me back to America. I then was absolutely positive that the Lord wanted me to live the hermit life exactly as I was forever -but I guess I was wrong again. If you ever watched "White Christmas" Bing Crosby sings a song "What can you do with a General who stops being a General?" , its sort of the kind of pickle of a situation that I am in (in a missionary sort of way)... Each time I have tried something new it fell through -which means to me that the Lord must have some other plan. Great article: (Its all right to be a failure by Catherine Doherty) 

My idea for this House of Prayer would be starting in a poor apartment (I found the perfect one) and living my old hermit rule, which included long hours with the Lord, but also allowed for several hours of 'work' a day. Idealy I wanted for these hours of 'work' simply to be open to the women and children of the neighborhood where I live to visit with me (sort of like the spirituality of 'Heart's Home' if you google it). Yet I found an orphanage for abandoned and abused babies and children nearby who would be open to me volunteering (and actually would be willing to hire me to work with the children during the week to supplament any donations). Meeting with the sisters this week they were open to me starting immediately, but I have no where to live there, no money to get a place to live and no money for even a hotel or transportation temporarily. Yet this is an incredible possibility because the city where this children's home is located actually had the biggest infant mortality rate in the world less than 100 years ago... the babies and mamas there could really use prayer and love.




I am setting up this page because I truly believe this idea that has been germinating in me for years is from the Lord -and He always used the least expected people to contribute to His work in my life. Living in the missions and as a hermit for the last 18 years has left me no bank account to start up such a life. I made no money serving these guys:

                                  

I need to relocate and I have no car to get me where I need to go. It is very difficult to start a new mission at 40 without any help. I found an apartment within (a long) walking distance of a church and the orphanage who offered the job (they asked that I not speak publically about the location of my work there). I simply need help starting out. Ideally I'd love a house in a poor, yet safe neighborhood ($30-50,000), but I found apartments for $650 a month that would work. I set the monatery goal on this page high because the more I have, the more I am able to do for those God sends to me. And I always tithe part of my donations.  I would need to sign a year lease originally (with the help of someone since being in the missions I always lived on cash and therefore have no credit.)  The apartment I found would be perfect: it has a great room for guests, a smaller room for a private chapel, a bedroom for me and one extra for a visitor or for my painting. Eventually I would like to have some of my artwork available for others (I usually like to give it as the hermits of old did to my guests, but if I am desperate I guess I can sell it). I also would like to make some of my writing -especially the notes from the missions over the years and the spiritual reflections that touched many of you -available for others. My greatest gift, I hope, would be the presence of prayer and love in the midst of this little city. I learned in Siberia that even when all you can do is sit around and fill a place with prayer, it is powerful spiritual 'gasoline' that allows the Holy Spirit to touch people you may never know and see.
For this reason when I visited Nigeria years ago the Bishop there drove me around his diocese to show me the most dire places and asked me simply to pray -like this seminary bedroom (seriously):
 

Any and all money I receive from this page would be used very frugally by me to purchase/rent such a place and for simple daily needs. Anyone who knew my life before knows that I am willing to sleep on hard floors and eat simple food... it is a life of a sparrow in the hands of God, but a witness that He loves His people. Recently Mother Teresa's sisters told me that I live poverty greater than they do -that was a great encouragement.
(Hermitage where I lived in Spain -Johnny visited there with me -Tabernas desert near Almaria -it was in an Olive Tree Garden -that's an incredible story as well I can share someday:)

They also told me that Mother Teresa had to beg when she first got her vision and that I should not fear to do the same. ("Sisters shall live by begging alms. We depend entirely on the charity of the people. The sisters should not be ashamed to beg from door to door if necessary. Our Lord Himself has promised a reward even for a cup of water given in His name. It is for His sake that we become beggars." -mother teresa LC,106-108) If I can find a few souls who believe in this work, I know that as always happened in my life the fruit will speak for itself and God will continue to provide. More than anything it will be a work of Love. All of those years in the missions I learned that three things are needed for a good mission: those who pay for it, those who pray for it and those who do the work. I am able to do the last two, but I need help with the first. Hopefully if this all works out, I will be able to visit my old hermitage from time to time for periods of solitude and prayer as before... for that was a great cloister of grace for me. I will be extremely thankful for any and all help that people are willing to offer -and I am sure that as in the past, Jesus and His Father will themselves bless abundantly those who are generous in helping me. Their miracles are incredible.
In His Fiat,
Mary +
                         
Ps. If for any reason I am not able to raise enough money to do this, any money that I do raise will be used simply to help me get to a new mission or place of hermitage that is less expensive than founding.

The following is an excerpt from a blog post July 8, 2012:

I can't tell you how many times people have asked me, 'Now what does your 'fiat' mean?' This little four letter word has become the beat of my heart, the breath of my life, my strength, my peace, my joy, my protection and the source of deep union with sweet Jesus' Heart.

Fiat.
Easy to say. Hard to do at first, although it quickly picks up momentum if you are willing to follow Jesus in 'losing your life to save it.' (Mt. 16:25)

Fiat is Latin, for 'Let it be done'. It is a prayer of surrender to God. It is a prayer of letting go of our will -our control -our understanding of what is best for our little world -and handing all back over to the hands of Our Creator where we should have left it in the beginning. Fiat. We pray it in the Our Father when we say, 'Thy will be done' or 'Fiat voluntas tua.' And Our Blessed Mother spoke it when the Angel came and asked her to be the Mother of Jesus as she said, 'I am the handmaiden of the Lord, let it be done to me according to Your word,' or 'Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum.' This simple 'Let it be done' -an act of deep surrender of one's life into the Hands of the Father -is something that Jesus lived His entire life (read the Gospel of John and count how many times He said, 'I have not come to do My Own will, but the Will of the One Who sent Me!') Jesus said that not all those say, 'Lord, Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven -but only those who do the will of His Father. (Mt. 7:21) Jesus did not only live this in His ordinary life, but He especially lived 'Fiat' on the Cross. He said to His disciples, “I am troubled now. Yet what should I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But it was for this purpose that I came to this hour." (Jn 12:27)
Fiat.
It can mean so many things as you speak it throughout your day. Like Jesus on the Cross, it can mean:
'Father, I accept Your will.'
'Father, I trust in You.'
'Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.'
'Father, into Your Hands I entrust my spirit, my life, my family, my heart.'
'Father, I thirst for Your will to be done.'
'Father, give me peace.'
'Father, enflame me with Your Love.'
'Father, mercy.'
'Father, You are God and I am not.'
'Father, You know best.'
'Father, please fix this.'
'Father, I love you.'
Not only are we called to hand over the reigns of our lives to the Father in a surrender of 'Fiat,' but we are supposed to do that in joy, as a gift of praise. Jesus followed John 12:27 (above) with verse 28: 'Father, glorify Your Name." He glorified the Father's Name by doing His will. And in turn, His Heart could share (even mysteriously in the midst of His suffeirng) in the Father's very joy -the joy of the Father's Presence and Love. Mary's Fiat was followed by the Magnificat -the perpetual song of praise ever being sung in the heart of Her tiny Son within Her Womb. 'My soul magnifies the Lord! -by doing His will!' And Jesus' 'Fiat' on the Cross was anything but mumbled words offered in a begrudging way. He rejoiced in His surrender to the Father. Even in suffering. For Scripture tells us that 'rejoicing in the Lord must be your strength!' (Nehemiah 8:10) Sometimes when something bad happens, the best thing we can do is break out in song praising and thanking Jesus for the present cross -making a joyful act of trust in His will -sometimes a chalice difficult to drink at the moment -but ultimately for our good.

The world is one of complaints. Nothing has changed much from the time of the Israelites when God brought them out of Egypt and gave them great gifts and all they did is walk around judging and complaining about the people around them and their new life. Even when God did miracles for them in the midst of tragedy and dire need, they refused to trust, to be thankful, to find the good and His abiding presence in the midst of their lives. The world is no better now. But the true Christian must be joyful and thankful and looking for the good in every person and situation. They must be kind and merciful, patient and full of passionate love for all their neighbors (whether rich or poor.) A true follower of Jesus must live as He did on the Cross -rejoicing in suffering, begging for strength when life seems a little too hard to bear -and trusting Him with the control of all things. Fiat... its amazing when you can turn your first reaction to all things in life to 'Fiat.' Not a begrudging 'Fiat,' -but a joyful 'Fiat.' Full of a joy and peace that comes when one truly decides to turn over their thoughts, words, actions, encounters and relationships every day to the will of the Father. How free we allow God to be in shedding His Love upon us when we simply throw up our arms and say (in rain or sun) 'Whatever YOU want, Father. For You know best.' Then we allow Him to do great miracles in our lives. And the miracles we need in today's world -are the miracles of true, heroic virtue lived out in mundane, ordinary life. When your heart can compliment a neighbor who lives differently than you would choose -simply because you've allowed the Holy Spirit to find the beauty of His presence in their hearts -that's a miracle. When you can rejoice at a hermitage full of dead ants that you have to hand pick out of the carpet -that's a miracle. When you laugh when you're car breaks -simply seeing it as God's way of telling you to minister by smiling at the poor repair men at a car-fixing-shop -that's a miracle. When you truly don't care if the deer eat your tomatoes or not -since all is for the glory of God. That's a miracle. And when you can sing alleluia in the middle of the night when your baby wakes up for the 5th time -seeing that it must simply mean that God knows that child (or someone else) needs your prayers -that's a miracle.
Fiat gives peace -because it hands all problems, needs, hopes and desires over to the loving care of the most Perfect, Loving Being that exists. What a great sigh of relief to know that I'm not in charge of the universe. My loving Father is -and I can rest at night trusting Him to take care of everything, as long as I truly have let go of my own will and handed all things over to His care in faith.

You are always safe in imitating Mary and Jesus in their 'Fiat' -in the Cross and in the joy of God's Annunciations of great gifts in your lives. Think about the power of these words in the Our Father -'Thy Will Be Done'. If only God's will was done on earth as it is in heaven... what perfect healing and peace and joy would reign here. And we can help to make this happen -by surrendering the little space and time of our lives to the Hands of God -allowing (through 'Fiat') for Him to control and love us in our little piece of eternity within our souls.

Thank You, Jesus, for 'Fiat.' Help us live this in union with You.
Now go... and 'Just Fiat!'
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