Live the Mass!

Originally Published: TUESDAY, MARCH 24, 2009

(I wrote it 8 years ago, but everyone who can should try to live it... Jesus in the Eucharist is EVERYTHING... every second there are 4 consecrations taking place in the world (300,000 Masses every 24 hours) -unite your heartbeats to His sacrifice on the altar and you truly will be living the Mass with Him. )

So often in today’s world it is easy for people to become frustrated with God –feeling like He is far, watching us from His Throne in Heaven and once in a while ‘throwing us a bone.’ What people (even 'good practicing Catholics' -you and me and even our priests and sisters sometimes) often don’t realize is how powerfully and intimately He meets with us weekly –daily –in the Eucharistic sacrifice of the Mass.

God is a personal God. And He meets us in a more intimate way in the Mass than any human person can meet us (even deeper, closer and more intimate than marital love.) Yet He is a kind Gentleman –and He forces Himself on no one. We receive this powerful, intimate love only to the degree that we open ourselves, desire it and allow Him to give it to us. If we take time in our ‘busy lives’ to sit in silence with God and listen to His Holy Spirit (so ever present in every aspect of our lives), we will begin to hear something new, something that we could not hear before –because our ears were ‘dirtied’ with too many other worldly voices.

Everyday at Mass God speaks to us. He is present to us deeply –as we make the sign of the Cross at the beginning of Mass, it is as if a veil between us and heaven is ripped opened. God –the Holy Trinity –is before us to serve us in Love, by Love. A God Who serves –that is such an awesome thought that it instills holy fear if we can glimpse its meaning. What can we ‘get’ from the Mass? Exactly what we put into it. Jesus says, “Seek and you shall find.” He waits for us to seek Him, hidden behind a veil, but so present to us there –present in a way more real than any reality we can know on earth.

Listen to where the Spirit ‘touches’ your heart each Mass. Is it where we are reminded of our sins and ask for mercy? Does He show you somewhere you failed or blocked His Love that you may not have even seen yourself? Does He heal your blindness in pride somehow? Does He speak to you in the Gloria or Alleluia, helping you ‘see’ in a new way the presence of so many angels in this world, ever praising the Father (and waiting for us to join in with them.) You may go to Mass worried about your daughter, but if the Spirit can ‘show’ you His angels in some way, that answer is all you need –for it will inspire you to love God as they do, trust God (with your daughter) as they do, call on them for help. Does He ‘speak’ to you during the petitions –by allowing you to empty your heavy heart out into His loving arms and care? He waits for you to entrust your concerns to His Love.

Or is He speaking in the readings? EVERY DAY something in the readings can speak to your heart. I know that for some it is impossible to go to daily Mass (I know from my sisters how impossible this really can be for mothers of young children –it would not be loving God to abandon their little ones’ needs in order to drag them to church.) And yet, if you take time to reflect on the readings from Sunday Mass (and what God is speaking to your heart in this) it is more than enough ‘food’ to carry you through the week. Not everything will speak to everyone. But in the readings the Holy Spirit is actually reading YOUR heart and answering your needs and questions. Take the first reading today about the water in the temple –ever growing deeper and deeper (Ez 47:1-9, 12 -click on the headline for the reading). Perhaps God is inviting you deeper into trust –where before you only waded in it, now He wants you to swim. Maybe He is inviting you deeper into forgiveness, or into the blood flowing from His wounds on the Cross (He wants you to discover His crucified Love for you in a new, deeper way.) Last Sunday the Psalm was, “Let my tongue be silenced if I ever forget you!” Wow, that’s something you can work on all week… If you forget God (and your words are not going to reflect Him and His Love), then be silent. And if ‘you are silenced’ accept it as a gift from God to keep you close to His Love. The Gospel today is the paralytic who could not get into the pool to be healed, and so Jesus healed him. Maybe God is asking you to pray for someone who is so lost in sin that they can’t ‘get into the pool of His Mercy’ by themselves –they need you to put them there through your prayer. Maybe Jesus is telling you that it is okay you are weak in some regard –and that if you trust Him and wait, He will come and heal your weakness. Maybe He is speaking about obedience –when the man did not obey and be silent, it caused Jesus trouble. Do we realize how deeply we wound Him when we disobey His Love? Maybe He is speaking to you about a physical illness –calling you to look up to heaven to what is important (eternal life) and not at earthly realities that might cause you pain. He said to the man, “Look you are well, do not sin so that nothing worse may happen to you.” Sin is the worst disease –not cancer, pneumonia, aids or debt. Is there a word or sentence the priest said in his homily that touches you? It’s a ‘gift’ that only you can discover for yourself with Jesus in every Mass –only you (with the help of His Spirit) can find the treasure He is speaking to you. How many Masses we come and go from leaving the treasures He wants to give us behind! LOOK… LISTEN… HEAR O ISRAEL! God is waiting to help you in this.

And then you come to the epicenter of all life, hope, joy, meaning and love –the Eucharistic Sacrifice of His Heart crucified and risen on the altar of Love. During the offertory you should be putting yourself on the altar with Jesus. Taking every struggle, sin, joy, need, sacrifice, prayer, step, word, moment, sleep that you lived the previous day or week and putting it all into Jesus’ Heart on the Cross in the Eucharist –this is the purpose for which He gave us this gift. He wants to redeem us, in our normal everyday lives. Therefore, we must give Him our lives –unite them with Him there –so He can transform them in His Love and place His Life in us in return. There –into that little white host –mysteriously He takes all of our darkness, our ‘nails,’ our temptations (how funny that He in a little white host takes our blackness into Himself and gives us light through His dark, red blood.)

 

(Before) (After) 

Amazing! And this happens day after day, week after week. Even if we hear nothing at Mass –this gift of His Heart is a loud enough word of love to strengthen us and give us direction in life. When man and woman are in deepest love, there is no need for words. Sometimes the ‘word’ of the Word to your life will simply be the kiss of His Love in the Eucharist.

We must begin to live the Mass more fully. We should not live in time –from day to day or week to week –but instead from Mass to Mass. It is not so important to know the day of the week or the date, but instead to know the readings from Mass that day and the readings for the next. Jesus’ Heartbeat should be the center of our lives. How quickly we could all be transformed into being LIVING JESUSes if we accepted all the gifts He wanted to give us. All we have to do is begin with saying, ‘Yes. I do want to live with You this deeply. Teach me.’ Take time this Friday or Saturday night either alone or with your husband/wife and read the readings for Mass on Sunday and think for a few moments about what God might be telling you or your family in it. Do it with your kids. You’ll be amazed at how fully the Spirit can speak to you through them. Try to discover what Jesus is asking you to ‘work on’ or give to Him at that Mass. And then, when you are at Mass and the baby is screaming behind you –you still will be able to ‘get something out of it’ –for you did your meditation before hand and what you hear on Sunday just reminds you of what you already discovered. It does not matter if the music ‘is bad’ –for you have been living the Mass all week (collecting every drop and aspect of your life as you go along) and now all you have to do is put that onto the altar when you come. And He in turn, will give you His Life and Love in answer to your sacrifice. And then, when you leave Mass, you carry a new special grace –the grace of His blood which touched and flowed within your own to change you into Himself –with you out into the world. This grace will work with you all week –giving you strength and ‘light’ and love and hope and wisdom –whenever you open yourself to it in your daily lives. 

This was on my heart to share with you guys. Every one of us can go deeper into His Love at Mass everyday -every week -no one is 'too advanced' for that. I know I find a new 'wow' daily when I meet with Him. And I promise that if you take time to read the readings before Mass –just once –it will work. God is just sitting there waiting for your little ‘yes.’

Just found this and it made me laugh...

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2010

South Africa -Dutch Girl -that 'Mass thing'...

I arrived yesterday morning, without a scratch after a 12+hour flight on a very old plane. South African Airlines was just about the same quality as Ethiopian Airlines.

I won't have much to write from here. As I investigate the situation I see that spiritual help is needed more than physical. I will be working at the sister's hospital with their severely handicapped babies/little ones (some have AIDS) daily, but they are generally well cared for. This is such a spiritual vacuum that I think prayer/fasting will be the real focus of my stay here. Poor Jesus, so alone in this big chapel. These next 25 days are for Him.

The sister I spoke with about coming actually left on vacation for this month, so two other ladies picked me up from the airport (neither were Catholic). I asked about Mass and this was our conversation (sort of funny). I had wrongly assumed that if they worked for the sisters that they were Catholic (or at least familiar with the Catholic faith):

Me: "Did you have Mass today already? Most important for me daily is the Mass."

Dutch Girl: "Mass? What's a Mass?"

Me: "ummm.... a Catholic prayer... its something the Sisters have in the morning."

Dutch Girl: "um.. prayer? what exactly is prayer?"

Me: "ummm... talking with God. The Mass basically has two parts -reading the Bible and, well, have you ever heard of the Last Supper? (She had.) Well, taking part in that again." (I later realized that this was a totally lame answer to what the Mass is, but I was exhausted and had no clue how to describe it to someone who did not even know God.)

Dutch girl: "So, do you 'go' to a Mass, or 'have' a Mass -what do you do with a Mass?"

Me: "You pray it."

Dutch girl:"When?"

Me: "well, for me, every day."

Dutch Girl: "EVERY DAY!? You do that Mass thing every day?!"

Me: "Yes."

Other lady in the car: 'But that is not the only prayer this girl prays."

Dutch Girl: "Do you mean that you pray more than just the Mass every day? How much do you pray?"

Me: "umm... 6-7 hours" (I have no clue actually how long, I was just guessing.)

Dutch Girl: "WHAT? I've never even said a prayer and you pray 6-7 hours a day?! When do you sleep?"

Me: "At night."

I was completely unprepared for that conversation. May Jesus preach better to her by my life than by my lame, tired, panicked words.

Finally managed some beauty up there again...

...until the deer attacked one night and ate almost EVERYTHING... I'm trying scattering rosemary, tying white ribbon and the cut up soap pieces hanging from trees thing... kinda pretty and we'll see if it works. 

Just Fiat. +

Mom in her mercy took me to buy replacements Monday. Maybe it'll work...

"Lord Have Mercy on Us..."

Originally published MONDAY, MAY 09, 2011

Nostalgia for Russia...

Do you ever hear a song and it throws you back to a feeling you had when you were little? That happened to me tonight, although I had to chuckle when I realized that 'little' meant half my lifetime ago -when I was 17 (young, but I guess not really 'little') and for the first time stepped into the barren land of Russia. I had no idea at the time what deep lines the Lord was carving in my soul from that summer mission experience with the Slovakian based 'Pro Deo et Fratribus' Community. I wish somehow I could convey to you all the feelings, smells, people and experiences that are awakened in my heart's memory when I hear this song... but I guess you would have had to have been there.

The work was heart-breaking that summer (hours spent between adoration and visiting the 'patients' at the village hospital who were locked in cages during the day). The days were spent with no electricity, no plumbing, little food (for the shelves were still bare in the stores) -living with a community of 10 ex-drug addicts from Moscow, an American priest and seminarian and 'missionaries' from many countries (I think I counted 8 languages being spoken at once at our big dinner table). It was an experience I think would be impossible for the youth of today to have -for there still were no cell phones, no computers, no ways to be connected to home -it was a raw mission experience -just you and the 'new world' -and yet, this extra 'distance' allowed for God to enter the heart in a truly profound way. It was hidden away in the village of Gagarinka that I found for myself -in a radical way -the meaning of life and how I wanted to spend the rest of my own (life). It was a simple combination of work, prayer and 'fiat' to whatever circumstances God brought one's way. It was there that for the first time I actually fell in love with my Jesus in the Eucharist.

And I will never forget the music -of the sisters singing on the 24 hour train ride from Austria into Moscow, of the 3-4 hour long Sunday service at a nearby Orthodox Church, of the Masses on our 3rd-floor make-do chapel of the mission house...

One Russian phrase I learned that summer was 'Gospodie Pomiluje' -"Lord, Have Mercy..." This song repeats over and over again. It is something my heart would come to scream out many times in years to come during my time living in and later visiting Eastern Siberia... For what could I really do for these street children besides ask for the mercy of God?

It is a song that my heartbeat repeated as I walked through Africa, through the trash dumps of the Philippines picking up a child who had fallen while playing in the refuse. It is a song I would sing through silence -in prayer -as I watched a lady cruelly strike her child in Walmart -or as I watched the teenage boys lost (in a spiritual sense) as they tormented young girls on the South Side of town... It is something I prayed last night watching the violence of the Middle East as my parents watched the news... 'Lord, have mercy on us, and on the whole world.'

Gospodie Pomiluje -'Lord, have mercy...' Its a deep prayer of the soul -something simple -but something our world needs so badly today (as Jesus reminded St. Faustina). Lord, have mercy...

Part of my heart I've left in Russia each time I've visited, each time I've left. Buried with Jesus on the Cross, I've left my heart to be the 'seed that dies to bear great fruit' for this wounded country that has such a rich spiritual heritage. But although part of my heart will always be left in Russia, part of my heart has simply taken part of Russia out to the whole world. What can we learn from Communist Russia? God can use the strangest of instruments to teach us His lessons of Love... We can learn the simple prayer of the heart -'Gospodie, Pomiluje' -Lord, as we set forth to keep following your will, have mercy.

+

I hope he's right. +

Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2009

Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence

So, I picked up this book again Sunday (click on the title) and it is great stuff! Just a word of reminder to all of you out there... although the Doctors and Fathers of the Church have always taught this, we often forget it:

Nothing happens to us in life that is not God's will (except for sin.) But this even includes if people sin against us. This is crazy stuff, but it is true -and I suggest picking up this little 100 page book to remember and understand it.

And yet, even if God does not want sin, you can see others' sin against you also permitted by God (wanted in a way) for YOUR GOOD. He does not want the sin. But, He knows it is going to happen, so He purposefully places it near us so that we can be formed to His likeness by it. For that reason, you should never hold a grudge or even be mad at people who sin against you. God allowed their weakness and sin for your good. He was with you in it -trying to teach you through it -and if you can't let it go and forgive and forget over and over again (70x7 times) -you are wasting a grace and closing your heart to God's action in your life. So, a brother or sister does something to hurt you or your children -what do you do? THANK GOD for it and don't fight and blame and complain. Our all-loving, omnipotent, good Father sees EVERYTHING and allows EVERYTHING for our good. Maybe if the art teacher wasn't so mean, your daughter would never have dropped the course... and then, when she pursued art in college, she would have met a guy who ruined her life and caused her to sin mortally. You don't know. So, THANK GOD for the mean art teacher. Or, if someone treats you or your sister or your mom or your child mean -God allows this, maybe, to humble them -because when it comes down to it, they are prideful. And no sin is worse than that. God even allows our own sin (even if He does not want it) and uses it for His Own purposes when we release it to Him through asking for mercy and forgiveness. Maybe He let you fall into sin to humble you. Maybe He will use the greatest sin of your life (abortion, say) to help and save others -if you give it to Him and ask His grace to take it away and use it for good.

We on earth do not see the whole big picture. So, in humility, lets admit that we really don't know much about anything. Trustful surrender to God is the only path of true love. Jesus lived it on the Cross and we must imitate Him.

Look at yourselves today and decide on what is the greatest hurt of your life -to yourself, or someone in your family. And decide, everyday, in humility (not in judgement, pointing fingers, anger, complaint) but in real, loving humility -to LET IT GO in love. Love means allowing God's grace to pour out of us so fully that it swallows all the sins people commit against us. It makes us reach out and embrace especially in love those who hurt us or those who we love. We should especially want to be around 'difficult people'. Because they are instruments of God to make us holy. So, in little things and in big things, let's 'Praise the Lord.' He is God, you know.

Just a thought for the day. Unforgiveness only hurts you and those who you teach it to (primarily your children). Get a hold of this book -it will change your whole view of life and give you real peace, silence (a fruit of humility) and happiness.

Please, truly forgive. That is what is on my heart for you all. Truly forgive -the easiest way is to see all that happens (even the 'instruments' of our pain or frustration) as instruments in the loving hand of our Father Who controls everything. The first step in forgiveness is to pray ardentally every day for those who have hurt you most -giving your hurts to our Divine Doctor on the Cross. And one day, you'll wake up, and you'll realize that the pain is gone and in its place is an unexplicable love for those who have wounded you most. Only Love can transform your memory -but, in the love that only prayer can offer you, it can change your memory. Its happened to me. Jesus can fill you, if you ask, with His Memory of Love and Mercy from the Cross. This is one of the most important lessons you can teach your children. Maybe the most important -Forgiveness. Because Jesus says that to the degree you forgive, you will be forgiven. And if people would forgive more, then there would be much less sin in the world -wars could be stopped (yes, even by your forgiveness -because of the social affects of sin and grace).

So this is the fire in my heart for you today.

Love you all. +

How Far is Heaven?

Johnny Video

Johnny Johnny

It has now been 12 years since Johnny died… I’ll just post something from several years ago –the sentiments in my heart regarding him have not changed. In fact, over the past few years of struggle, I am even more grateful to that kid for fighting hard for me from heaven.

No, he was not perfect –who is? "May those without sin cast the first stone...' Johnny’s wisdom came in the fact he knew he was not perfect and was not too proud to ask forgiveness. 

Jesus we trust in You. +

TUESDAY, APRIL 19, 2011

Johnny Johnny ...

Six years ago tonight -Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 -changed the Kloskas more than any other event in our family history. The youngest of the 'Kloska Clan' was the first to meet Jesus face to Face. (Johnny actually died early Wednesday morning, April 20th -just after midnight.) Talk about a true living out of Jesus' words, 'The first shall be last, and the last shall be first.' Johnny was the last child added to our family -the last of our foster children, the last of my brothers -but in many ways God made him the 'first' in my heart as well -for Jesus has always called me to love 'the most' those who need the most love. Johnny has taught me more about life, death, God, virtue, genuine love and sacrifice than anyone else in our family has -simply through the experience of his presence in my life. He demanded 'smiling, sacrificial love' from me -and sharing this with him was a powerful source of grace for me. Funny how God chooses the most inconspicuous people, sometimes, to teach us the greatest lessons.

The night Johnny died is etched so clearly into my mind -how I yelled upstairs asking him if he wanted to eat with us before he left to go say 'goodbye' to his friends and co-workers at Perkins (as he was planning the following week to leave for the Army). The offer of ribs was tempting for him, but in the end he asked me if I could instead leave immediately to take him to the restaurant -he had just had his 'goodbye talk' with Dad, and did not think he could handle the emotions of a dinner. He really loved his family in his own simple way.

We talked about the new Pope on our drive -and said goodbye -although I'm sure he did not hear me when I yelled, 'Love you!' as he slammed the door. I went home, ate dinner, went to bed and began to pray. What would happen to this little brother of mine when he left for the 'real world' the following week? He was so simple at heart -only wanting to receive and give love (although the way he sought this out at times was confused). And this simple heart was his greatest weakness (always being 'caught' for any mistake he made), but also his greatest strength. For in his simplicity -he opened himself wide before God to His mercy. Johnny never doubted the mercy of God's Love, and he knew he needed it desperately. Johnny had no pride -he knew his weaknesses (even publicly announcing them at times), and he trusted greatly (even arguably recklessly) at times in that mercy of God. Yet because of his humility and trust, he had a claim on Jesus' mercy that would end up saving his soul eternally.

And so I prayed that night -asking God to 'take Johnny' into His arms of love -and to save him. As many times I had prayed before, I asked Jesus to take John to Himself in whatever way was necessary just to make sure he was safe, that he could be with God forever in eternity. I never expected this to be done in death -although from the moment I opened the door to the police in the middle of that night -I kept repeating simply the words, 'Mercy. Mercy. Mercy.' It must have been the Holy Spirit praying and fiating in me.

We all agree in our family (I think) that Johnny's death was a great gift of God's severe mercy. As he prayed at the retreat with me in Poland the previous summer, literally crying out to God -begging Him to save him, to 'win' in the battle for his soul -God answered Johnny's prayer that night. His death is a relief to me in that I am sure -positive to the bottom core of my soul -that he is with Jesus, resting (and dancing/singing/joking around the way he would) in heaven. And yet, as I fall to sleep at night in the bed that used to be his, in the room where his music used to blare (and annoy me) -I miss him.

This past fall -as I was in Russia -I had an amazing dream, though. And this, once again, reminded me of who Johnny was in my life -and how we will meet again (but in a much deeper, fuller love) in heaven. In this dream I saw Johnny so clearly -he had come back to life as a little child and was running to me, full of light, yet he had wet his pants. I went to help change his clothes, and suddenly he was a man, yet Jesus could be seen in His glory within him and Johnny bore Jesus' wounds. People were around us, but no one noticed how 'alive' Johnny was, and no one else saw Jesus' wounds in Johnny as I did. And as Johnny's white t-shirt began to bleed red from a hidden wound of his heart, John lifted his shirt and I kissed the wound in his chest, and then Johnny 'breathed out his last' once again praying with and in Jesus on the Cross, 'Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.' Then he was in heaven again, and I knew I had to go tell my family that Johnny had risen from the dead, but had died again in Jesus into eternal life. I still see this all before my heart as clearly today as I did the morning I woke up last October.

(This picture is one I painted for Johnny when I was in Russia in 2001 -to teach him how his sufferings in life were united to Jesus' sufferings on the Cross).

The lesson for me in it all? 'Whatsoever you do to the least of your brothers, you do unto Me.' Johnny was not perfect, yet neither are ANY of us. And the key as to why someone as imperfect as him could 'steal heaven' at 20 years of age like the 'good thief' did dying next to Jesus on the Cross, was that Johnny KNEW his faults, and ALWAYS admitted them, asking for mercy, forgiveness, and especially love. Even when he was in trouble at 17 or 18 -years of age, he would cry to me, asking me to take him immediately to Confession, and to 'please, just love me, Mary.' How beautiful was his heart that powerfully desired God's merciful love -especially in the midst of faults. He was the penitent child, in the back of the Church, constantly praying, 'Have mercy on me, God, a sinner.' It would be easy for us to judge John -but I don't think he even had responsibility for many of his 'public faults.' I think God made Johnny weak, in order to teach us as a family how to really love -not when its easy, not when the cross is light -but how to love when it is difficult, and how to carry our brother's cross when it was heavy. Johnny taught our family humility, mercy, joy, and great love. And this is a greater gift, than any 'perfect sibling' who has nothing to need from us. I am -and will always be -unremittingly grateful to God -for the precious gift of my 13th sibling, my 6th brother.

Where would Johnny have been today without the love of our family -in all its crazy uniqueness? And how many other children are like John in the world -needing a hand of love and mercy to reach down and help them step out of the mire, in order to find Jesus on the Way of the Cross with them? If you loved Johnny like our family did (and does) even until today -please not only remember to pray for him, for his birth family who so generously gave him to us (instead of killing him in abortion), but also for all those other 'little Johnny's' in the world right now, who need a big family's radical generosity, mercy and love. I know that as Christians we are called to 'find Christ' in others in the world. But I'll tell you a little secret of mine: just as I truly saw Jesus (in all his woundedness) within John, so often when I cuddle an abandoned little one in the world (in Africa, in Russia, even right here in the US) -I feel like I'm 'loving Johnny' in them. Just as Jesus taught me to love John exactly as my other birth siblings, so too, He has taught me now to 'love John' in all the little 'strangers' I meet in the world. Johnny always begged me to take him to visit Africa one day when he 'grew up.' And in a mysterious way I have -for the love Johnny drew out of my heart, I am now able to share with his 'little African sisters and brothers.' And so in a spiritual way, Johnny truly 'traveled' with me.

Open wide our hearts, Lord, so we can hear your voice and see your Face, within those who You ask us to love as family!

Johnny, we love you! Thank you for teaching me love, humility, patience, trust and mercy. And I can't wait to see you in heaven.

Just some spiritual counsel from Johnny

1.) Be like the saints: (here he is like Max Kolbe)

2.) If you don't humbly recognize and weep over your sins, then you don't get the joy of mercy:
Before:

After:

3.) Cling to Mary: (words he got in prayer with me and clung to as a promise:)

 With Mirjana in Medjugorje:

4.) Be honest, obedient, pure and don't cling to this world: (words he wrote and heard during adoration -click to enlarge):

Most important was the third part -remember these were written with me in Poland about 9 or 10 months before he died...:

5.) Love Jesus crucified:

And if all else fails... just go to the beach:

Or the mountains (he was a little annoyed in this picture -there's a backstory I can't repeat):

And when you fall down the mountain and your sister is tired of carrying you on her back, find some saintly nuns with ace bandages...:

 Or have a birthday party:

 Or feed a baby:

Or go to Culvers with Mary and eat a ton of frozen yogurt:

 Or just play volleyball:

Or dance:

Walking the Waves

Originally posted FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2010

Walking the Waves...

The fruit of radical obedience and love 

It is difficult for us to love God radically. Our society tells us that it is bad to do anything in an extreme way –otherwise you are labeled as a ‘fanatic’. Instead, people are encouraged to ‘go with the flow’ –to do their duty well and quietly without causing waves or living ‘out of step’ with the rest. But this is completely opposite of what Jesus asks of us in the Gospel. He asks the rich young man to sell EVERYTHING –a very radical call to Love. He tells another young man to not even bury his father, but to follow Him first. He commends the impracticality of the poor widow who gave her last mite to the temple, when instead most would say she should have kept it for food. He appreciates Mary Magdalene’s radical gesture of love as she pours expensive oil on His feet (symbolizing the total gift of her heart’s love and gifts to Jesus). Jesus tells the apostles to feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. He calls Peter, James, Andrew, John and Matthew to simply up and leave their professions to proclaim His word. He sends the disciples out to ‘dangerous’ places taking nothing with them so that they can teach about the Kingdom of His Love, coming to reign on earth. And He sacrifices His own life (which could have been used for many ‘goods’ of healing people, teaching people, serving people) in order to die as an example of total abandon and trust to the will of the Father. Radical is the Gospel. And so radical must be our lives regardless of our vocation, gifts and situation.

Sometimes it is truly difficult to follow Jesus radically –especially in those moments when He takes away the visible grace to ‘help us’ want to do His will. When He takes away the assurance that we are pleasing Him and we have to go forward in total trust. When others who should understand criticize our obedience to Him –whether it be a family’s radical openness to life trusting that each child He creates and sends is a gift willed by Him, or a huge financial sacrifice embraced simply to teach one’s children the priority of a simple life of service being more important than material things, or living a form of consecrated life that makes no sense to the world. It is especially difficult when He takes away the ‘perks’ of respect, comfort, understanding, friendship (especially from those close to us or those faithful believers who should ‘get’ such a life) –and yet we still have to remain faithful by accepting His will by an act of Love in our own little, weak wills. It is difficult to trust when all is black and silent, when we see others suffer from our actions (even if Jesus uses such suffering to teach them and make them holy), and it is especially difficult to follow His will when it seems to contradict our limited human reason and sensibilities. But such radical love, radical surrender and following of His will is the source of a deep joy and peace that no other thing can offer to our human hearts. Radical Love brings about radical union with Him –and with that comes a whole new hemisphere of gifts unseen, unheard, unknown by our normal worldly experience. And such radical following of Him bears the greatest fruit. A tree planted on the surface of the ground risks being uprooted by wind, washed away by rain, trampled on and killed by animals. But a tree planted deep in the ground has the possibility to grow deep roots and then as it peeks its head above the ground the wind, water and animals are unable to ‘kill’ what has been wisely planted.

The same is with our lives. When we follow God’s will in a deep and radical way –when we radically love, radically forgive, radically thank God for and rejoice in even the sufferings He offers us –trusting they are for our good and the good of others –it is then that His will becomes our very root of all and it is only then that great fruit can be born.

It made no human sense for me to come to Tanzania. I knew no one. The sisters were not that inviting even when I wrote them –often not answering e-mails, not helping in the ways that would make this trip much easier (both in practical things as well as in the mental peace of knowing all would work out). I knew nothing of the place, no language. It cost a lot of money when sisters running orphanages could be found in much ‘easier to get to’ places. People at home ‘needed my help’. And I don’t really enjoy suffering (if I can call it that compared to what others endure in life) of bad food, no water, uncomfortable bed, dirt, disease, no communication with those who ‘need’ it except for prayer (internet does not work) and a sense of helplessness in the midst of such huge, daunting need. And most would ask, ‘Really, what can you do there for such a short time -5 weeks –even if you love the babies, what good will 5 weeks be once you are gone and they have a lifetime of suffering?’ BUT, I have an answer to all of this:

The Gospel teaches us to follow God’s will. Period.

It was God’s will that I come here. He led me in a very silent, yet powerful way to be sure it was His will (even when it seemed imprudent to many). And yet although His Hand guided me, at the same time He left His plan a complete mystery so that I would not have the comfort of knowing I was pleasing Him, seeing my sacrifice would bear fruit. But He did not see fruit in the Garden or on the Cross –it came after His act of total abandonment and trust –His total gift of sacrificial love for the sake of Love Itself and obedience to the Father. Only after He gave His life –undo death for the sake of Love –did His sacrifice bear fruit, the greatest fruit. And so, that is how it must be for me and you as well. So, I trust and rejoice that my radical obedience in coming here will bear fruit for His Kingdom, even if it is all hidden from my eyes, mind and heart. This is the place He prepared for me by His grace. And simply the fact that I followed His will in trustful Love is enough to bear great fruit for Upendo, for Tanzania, for all of Africa and even the whole world. Little seeds of obedient Love bear great fruit. It only takes one splash to cause a great ripple effect. And we are called to cause such waves (even if they make people uneasy) in the world by our obedient Love and sacrifice. It’s a truth we often forget in our lives –but a truth worth reflecting on and remembering. Radical is the Gospel and radical is the Love He calls us each to live in the ways we can in our own life. Such love is not in doing ‘big things’ –but all the many little things He presents to us in our daily life with great love. 

The miracle of Love I see here in Africa can happen in your own homes. I do nothing special or different than many of you –I wipe noses in great love; I take 15 minutes to sit and listen to a sister empty her heart of her daily troubles in great love; I pray at Mass in great Love; I change diapers in great Love; I pray at night in great love. Simple things… little things… but when you do them for Him and add the great Love of Jesus to them, uniting them to His work on the Cross, they become great things. Because they are seeds planted deep in the ground of His will, in sacrificial trust, they will bear great fruit for Him someday.

Amen. +