Habakak Sunday

originally MONDAY, OCTOBER 04, 2010

My Habakkuk Sunday

Yesterday was a real out of the ordinary day here at Upendo. First off, the priest called Saturday night and said he could not make it for Sunday morning Mass at 6:30am and he could not find a substitute. So, we had to move Mass to 7pm. Secondly, it was a ‘Day of Reflection’ for the sisters, which meant that we had adoration from 7:30am-4:00pm. With the exception of a half-hour lunch, I spent the entire day with Jesus and tried to just soak in grace. Once 4pm rolled around, I really missed the children and so I decided to peek in on them before the day ended. I went to the Baby Room and took a few out for a 20 minute walk (I’m getting really good at holding 3 babies at once). When I returned it was dinner time, and I went into the newborn room as I heard them crying.

(Just a note: we received two new babies last week. ‘Pile’ (pronounced peelay) is a Muslim name. She is so tiny –maybe 4 or 5 pounds at the most.

Her story is very sad. Her Mom was 33 and Pile was her 5^thchild. She lived in a village nearby and delivered the baby at home while her husband was in Nairobi, Kenya for work. A neighbor who was a nurse helped her. The baby was born at midnight, but the Mom was bleeding a lot and she died at 3am. She bled to death. It is so sad because if her husband was home he could have taken her to the hospital. Her sister arrived with her husband and took the baby –still unwashed –and started towards town to find someone to help with her. They arrived at Upendo in the morning asking if we could take her. The sisters are only legally allowed to receive children sent by Social Welfare, so they had to send this couple (who were crying) with the baby to the office in the city. It was so traumatic for them, as they worried the baby would die, too. Finally they arrived in the evening. Sister got formula and fed her, and then they tried to wash her and it was a mess. The dirty diaper of merconium was dried like glue to her skin, as well as the blood in her hair. They really had to soak her. After one night we realized she was sick, and upon taking her to the doctor we found out that her mother had Syphilis and it had been passed to her. After 5 days of antibiotics the hospital sent her back to us. The father came looking for the baby –he was so heartbroken about his wife and he had never seen his daughter. The whole thing is so sad.

The second ‘new baby’ is ‘Naimblaise’ (a tribal name meaning ‘grace’). 

Her mom died in the hospital three days after giving birth. The sisters told me that they think so many women die here because of birth control. One of the side effects even after you stop taking it is blood pressure spikes –and this happens often during birth and is uncontrollable here. I’m not sure if that is accurate or not.)

Anyway, so after spending an hour with our 4 newborns, I heard the toddlers and boys screaming, so I decided to check on them before I left. I was shocked –they were all in their room running around (imagine 10 one to four-year-olds) completely alone (no adult supervision) and I was watching the bigger ones beating up the little ones. I opened the door (locked from the outside so they can’t get out) and ran in to rescue a few of the one-year-olds. These are little babies and they were being toppled, pinched, pushed and hit. Now, I have to rewind to explain this a bit. Earlier this week I saw the saddest thing I’ve seen yet here. Little Polycarp wets his pants all the time (extremely understandable to me for a 2-year-old). 

And he must have some urinary problem because he literally wets every 5 minutes –as soon as you change him, he’s wet again. Well, there are a few ‘mamas’ who work here who are kind and gentle, but there are a few who are so harsh. The German Sister is constantly correcting them if she witnesses them being mean –but she has to see it to correct it. For example, they force these babies to eat so much food –shoving the equivalent of 3 ‘jars’ of baby food down their throats each meal. It does not matter if they are 3 months or 11 months, they get the same. If they refuse, they force them to eat while they cry. Sister has been working on this with them. They think she ‘spoils the children’, but sister says if they are no longer hungry don’t force it. Little babies don’t eat so much. Another example, when Sister arrived she was horrified to hear them saying to the babies ‘do this or I’ll beat you!’ Now, they would never beat a baby, but Sister said that she forbid that sentence to be said in the Baby Room –that’s ridiculous. Well, back to Polycarp. One of the ‘mamas’ was angry that he wet his pants. She started screaming at him and then hitting and pinching him until he ran away and cried. She was so mean. I was in shock and did not know what to do. After he came out dry I simply put my arms out and swooped him up into them and carried him away from her. I kept him with me and the babies. It broke my heart. Well, as we all know, children learn what they live. So, Polycarp started pinching all the babies this week the same way I watched the ‘mama’ do it to him. I try to correct it, but I can’t get angry with him because he is so beneath the age of reason and in his mind this lady did it to him for ‘no reason’ so he does it to others. This was one of the 10 problems I encountered with the children tonight. After 30 minutes alone with all the toddlers and boys (I was shocked that there was no real supervision or care) I was relieved when the German Sister peeked her head in and came to help. I told her how upset I was. I told her to watch –all these poor little ones being beaten by each other. They were soaking wet with urine. They were crying and afraid (what 1-year-old wouldn’t be if they are just learning to walk and suddenly other children are poking, sitting on, hitting them.) The ‘brawl’ between them all continued for a full hour. It took all my strength to try to ‘rescue’ the littlest ones. Polycarp saw that they were getting attention so he began hitting them away so I would hold him. He shouldn’t be doing that, but then again he is only 2 and he wants love too. They had no toys, no ‘entertainment’, so it was not surprising they were getting into trouble. When they are given toys no one organizes or controls anything or teaches them, so they are ripped to pieces very quickly, and fought over until the older ones get them. If I could have 3 months and 4 helpers I could establish order in such a way that it would last –easy to teach to a new little toddler when they join the group. But even the toddlers are learning to hit and scream because that is what they receive. At the end, Sister and I had to go to Mass, so we put them all in their beds (probably should have been done earlier just to keep them safe from each other). I walked in the Church totally heart-broken. I begged Jesus to do something for them. They need better care, more love, more discipline (not harshness, simply consequences for their actions –for example, each time they hit, they are put in their crib). I begged the angels to do something where I really could not do anything more than get beaten and soiled with their urine myself. 

Mass began and Jesus answered my weary heart. I laughed when I read the First Reading again (I had read it earlier in the day, but did not remember it). It perfectly described my prayer about the brawling situation with the toddlers and boys. And He gave me an answer. It said:

How long, O Lord? I cry for help but You do not listen!

I cry out to You, ‘Violence!’ but You do not intervene.

Why do You let me see ruin; Why must I look at misery?

Destruction and violence are before me;

There is strife, and clamorous discord.

Then the Lord answered me and said:

Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets,

So that one can read it readily.

For the vision still has its time,

Presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint;

If it delays, wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late.

The rash one has no integrity;

But the just one, because of his faith, shall live.”

I took this as God’s promise to me that He will do something about the situation here –He will answer my prayers for these children and He will somehow bear fruit from my prayer and sacrifice. The Gospel told us that all we needed was a little faith and then even if we asked God for big miracles He would do them. So I asked –I begged –with the confidence that comes from total faith and trust in His Plan and Love for these little ones –I begged for grace, for change, for help for them, for love –and not only for the orphans here, but for all of them in the thousands of orphanages throughout the world. So many children suffer like this –and probably worse, since at least here they do receive love sometimes and some care. 

**NOTE May 2017 -I was happy to find out that shortly after I left some new sisters were sent to Upendo, one of which had specific gifts of organization. When Polycarp left for another orphanage they agreed to allow him to keep in touch with me. He truly is a son of my heart and very happy:

The Question of Adoption

So, this leads me to one other point and then I will finish. It’s the question that several of you have posed to me about the possibility of adopting these children. I have been told that Tanzanian law requires you to be a citizen here (or at least live here for 2 years) before you can adopt. The sisters want to take me to the Social Welfare office to speak with a government official this week to confirm this and to make sure that there are no exceptions to this rule. And yet, it is obvious to me that God Himself has lit a flame in your hearts to even pose such a question –and this flame has been burning me as well in prayer this week. I know that God is doing something big, something I can’t even see myself, through the desire of some to possibly adopt. And when I ask God how to lead you in this question (considering the hurdles here in Tanzania) the only answer I receive –but I continue to receive –is that God Who began this work within you will fulfill it in each of you in His Own time and way. Just as God creates each child as a specific gift for a family –full of gifts which the other family members could never give, so too if God calls you to adopt He has a specific child with specific needs and gifts in a specific country waiting for you. God is not a God of generalities –He is a God of details, even if we don’t always see His Hand in the little things, He is always there. I am sure that if God has opened your heart to the possibility of adopting one of His suffering, helpless little ones, then He will guide you to that specific child. I will find out this week from the Tanzanian office, but if that door is closed I simply see it as God speaking to you all that there are other children who are worse off waiting for your love. They could be in Russia, or China, or another African or South American country –or they could be a ‘hard to place’ family group of children in the US. Please pray and listen to Him –He will guide. It might seem like you are moving forward in darkness –but when you surrender to Him and ask Him to guide, He somehow makes sure that all goes according to His perfect, holy will. I am praying especially for you who have generously considered doing this. So many children suffer horribly –and I can’t give them what you can –a family of love. What a gift each vocation is in the Church.

So, that is all for now.

In His Blessings,

Mary

Fiat +

Note May, 2017: It did end up being impossible to adopt from Tanzania, but the seed was planted in my sister's heart and she and her husband added a 10th Ethiopian child to their 9 natural children this year... She is a super joy and keeps my heart connected with my little ones in East Africa.