Originally from: THURSDAY, MAY 28,
2009
Hi.
Um... well, I think I should write something about my life
-since this is the primary form of family communication (when you have 75
immediate family relatives -not to mention extended family, friends and other
interested people). Even when I try to let people know about when I come and
when I go -inevitably someone gets missed and I don't want that.
Yet I do have a Confession to make -blogs are like the
anti-Mary. I mean, I do understand that they can be used for great good -to
inform people, connect people, inspire people. But secretly it is very
difficult for me to write anything on them. There is always this difficult
balance for me to find between talking about myself (which really isn't going
to help anyone) and sharing enough of my life so people don't think I'm being
'secretive.' If someone can find something edifying or helpful for their souls
within my words, I truly do want them to come and drink. But contrary to
popular belief, I really think my life is quite ordinary and therefore nothing
worth glamorizing. Its annoying to me when I see people try to 'Hollywoodize'
their lives -and so really I would rather that people not think of my life as
anything spectacular. Its just the truth of little 'ole me in the Light of God.
It is true that sometimes my experiences seem exciting to others -but anything
fascinating in my life is a dim shadow of God's Wondrous Presence -and people
would really do themselves better by forgetting me and focusing directly on Him.
I'm just one little trillianth of His great work and Love in creation -many
more people before, now and after me have been and will be created, beloved and
called by Him to lives with Him equally full of His Love.
I also don't like blogs because I think there are simply
too many words in the world today. Once again, I can admit readily that
much good has come from instant communication and 'global networking.' I could
never serve God as He has asked of me without the internet (arranging travel,
keeping contact with people throughout the world, etc...) I could never have
been spiritually formed as deeply as God has done without the internet. But it seems like people have
filled every hole of earthly existence with words -everyone has an opinion or
story or teaching to 'tell the world' through their blog, facebook, youtube
video, advertisement -not to mention tv, radio, etc. etc. etc. And with so many
frivelous words filling people's lives, how can important words have weight to
touch and change hearts -often they are heard only as 'one of the millions of
words' spoken or listened to daily. So, I've learned the power of silent Love
as a stronger force to speak to people's hearts. And in general I
prefer The Word to my words -for only The Word is loud enough (even in
His Silence) to drown out the noise of this world and lead people Home.
BUT... regardless of these conflicting thoughts in my heart -necessity drives me to share a bit about my life here -and because I do it out of love for you all, I hope this Love transfers more to you than pure information.
As some of you know, God blessed me deeply the past several months with time alone with Him in total solitude, silence and prayer in a hermitage. The graces Jesus was able to feed me truly are unfathomable. When you have nothing but Him, you quickly realize you need absolutely nothing in life but Him. These months Jesus used to help me 'find my swing' again (as you golfers understand is a very important thing to do from time to time). Yet God did not call me to hide away in the solitude of His Love and Embrace -but instead to carry Him bleeding in my heart to the world so that His crucified Love can touch and heal it. So... it is time for me to pilgrim on again.
BUT... regardless of these conflicting thoughts in my heart -necessity drives me to share a bit about my life here -and because I do it out of love for you all, I hope this Love transfers more to you than pure information.
As some of you know, God blessed me deeply the past several months with time alone with Him in total solitude, silence and prayer in a hermitage. The graces Jesus was able to feed me truly are unfathomable. When you have nothing but Him, you quickly realize you need absolutely nothing in life but Him. These months Jesus used to help me 'find my swing' again (as you golfers understand is a very important thing to do from time to time). Yet God did not call me to hide away in the solitude of His Love and Embrace -but instead to carry Him bleeding in my heart to the world so that His crucified Love can touch and heal it. So... it is time for me to pilgrim on again.
What God has arranged for me the next few months makes me dizzy.
Its so funny that He calls me to travel so much with Him -considering my
natural lack of ability to maneuver through the really complicated world, as
well as my over-sensitivity to travel sickness. Yet I see this as a great gift.
My 'lostness' in this world (not always understanding how to do adult things
such as plan travel, etc..) makes me the weakest little sheep in His arms.
He has to do everything for me because I simply cannot do anything alone anymore. And the sickness is precisely the gift I offer all those I visit -it is the least I can offer for them to comfort their lives so often filled with real struggle and pain. I know I should share some of my plans and life with you all, because I realize it is not 'my mission work' that I do -but instead the 'mission work of Jesus' Church' which He simply allows for me to partake in. And this work includes you.
He has to do everything for me because I simply cannot do anything alone anymore. And the sickness is precisely the gift I offer all those I visit -it is the least I can offer for them to comfort their lives so often filled with real struggle and pain. I know I should share some of my plans and life with you all, because I realize it is not 'my mission work' that I do -but instead the 'mission work of Jesus' Church' which He simply allows for me to partake in. And this work includes you.
We are all missionaries -every encounter we have with people is an opportunity to be a missionary of Love -whether it is people at work, the little souls formed at home to love and serve Jesus, people in stores, the police that might pull you over... etc. And any time we are not with people, we are called to be missionaries of love through prayer and sacrifice -offering every moment of our lives to Him Who called us to be His disciples -in order to help our brothers and sisters in the world. Every member of the Church has a responsibility to somehow be a missionary to 'suffering others' -especially those far away and forgotten. Most people do this through prayer, donations of money to those who travel to the far-away missions and by forming their families to be 'missionary minded.' Yet a few God calls like me to depend on your help (through prayer, money and time- see 'Go Fund Me Page') in order to physically take His Love to those who need it most. And so as I share with you my plans for the next few months -I am entrusting this time to you as part of Jesus' 'mission Church.' I need you to pray for those I meet. I myself don't know what to say to people, how to love them, how Jesus wants me to serve -strictly or gently, words or silence, sacrifice or trust -every soul needs something different and so I desperately need the Holy Spirit. This you can give me by your prayers -it is not for myself, but so that I can give Him in turn to those who have nothing else in life but His Love. This world is so full of broken hearts. I no longer watch the news or read the paper because there is a lot of trash to sort through and I just am not smart enough to do it. But the more I ignore the world's noise, the more clearly Jesus shows me broken hearts everywhere I go -hearts broken by misunderstanding, pride, selfishness, money, jealousy, judgmentalness, desire to control or for power or to be 'important and popular', alcoholism, lust, abandonment, abuse, laziness -I meet hurt in marriages, in children, weakness or doubt in priests and religious, worry and so many many lost and lukewarm souls. Everyone has a broken heart in one way or another -broken by sin, weakness, wounds, temptations... if you can't see it then you just need to scoot closer to the Light. Everyone needs a Savior. Everyone needs the embrace of His Heart around their own.
My job -OUR job -in life is just to be a light in
the darkness by LOVE:
-to give people hope by reminding them that Jesus said:
(Yes, a real unaltered picture from my hermitage -sort of makes me wonder if Jesus' Eucharistic Presence does come from His Heart for me in a spiritual way...)
"Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall
find..."
"Forgive.. do not judge... happy are the peacemakers... err
on the side of mercy... pray, pray, pray..."
"Hope, believe, Love and know that heaven awaits you with all the glory you never had on earth... where your stomach will not growl, your eyes not tear, your teeth not chatter from cold..."
"Hope, believe, Love and know that heaven awaits you with all the glory you never had on earth... where your stomach will not growl, your eyes not tear, your teeth not chatter from cold..."
"Come to Me and I will give you rest!"
Everyone has darkness at times, but those I visit either do not
even know of the tools they need to endure the darkness -or are missionaries
who no longer have strength to continue on (and I go simply to encourage them
through love.)
I need your prayer to help me do that.
I cannot explain to you what it is like to visit a place where
there is no light. Yes, it is true that there are many people here in the US
who suffer and need love... too many people for one person to serve them all.
Its funny how people love to use this as an objection to my life -why would I
not stay here to help people? Primarily it is because it is not God's will -and
I need no reason other than that. And yet for those whose faith cannot accept
without understanding, I will explain that the suffering people here have
YOU... and where I go, they have no one. I must 'go out into the deep' -where
others would hesitate -to those who have not been blessed with family, Church,
and the many gifts available to people in our country. I must 'climb into the
pit' to love them too... for they are no less my brothers and sisters than you
all are.
I was absolutely amazed today when the doorbell rang and a lady I know from church was standing there with a small handful of money. I know Jesus knows what I need -and so although I never ask people for financial help, I also hesitate to ask Him... I prefer the road of absolute trust. I'm His wife, He knows what I need... and I must trust Him. Yet my great needs for this summer were passing before my heart as I prayed and I just threw them at Him. Then the doorbell rang -and there stood this truly holy woman who has been suffering greatly from cancer. She was recently released from the hospital and on her way home from her first new chemo treatment they were trying. She has very little in life -and yet a heart so full of love and fiat. She said to me that she knew I desperately needed money to complete my travel this summer. I can sacrifice not eating or sleeping outside, in airports or on concrete floors -but unfortunately I still need money to get from here to there. And so she -who we all should be serving as her cross and suffering are great -was standing at my door to console me through her gift -and through it to console Jesus and all the hearts He had prepared for me to bring to Him this summer. She is a missionary like no other -for she prays, she suffers and she offers what she can to help those most in need. She really inspired me. And she died shortly after this visit, having offered her life for her un-Catholic husband to convert... really beautiful. Click here for Bobby's original post. She believed in me:
And so, I leave on June 9th for the Philippines for 2 weeks. It will take me almost 3 days to get there -because I could not afford a more direct ticket. I will be visiting a French Mission where Tomek from Poland is serving. They live in the poorest place of Manila -praying in the morning and spending their afternoons helping the street children (some who live under bridges, etc.), visiting jails, and just loving people.
I will then spend the next 2 months: in Poland, 4 weeks in Russia and a very short weekend in France for the ordination of my hermit friends (a kind, old friend from Notre Dame sent me a ticket so I could be there and meet with all the old 'Children of Mary' people -it will be a prayer reunion.) France:
Poland:
There are many people I will meet along the way with many different needs. I don't ask for prayers for myself -I'm sure Jesus will care for me and really what can I fear or need if I embrace suffering as a gift? I only ask for your prayers for those I meet. In this way, we can all be missionaries together -and somehow as I sow your seeds of love and prayer around the earth, new flowers of His Kingdom will begin to sprout in the darkness. These flowers we might not see, but we know and trust that they bloom from His Love... for His Love always bears fruit.
I was absolutely amazed today when the doorbell rang and a lady I know from church was standing there with a small handful of money. I know Jesus knows what I need -and so although I never ask people for financial help, I also hesitate to ask Him... I prefer the road of absolute trust. I'm His wife, He knows what I need... and I must trust Him. Yet my great needs for this summer were passing before my heart as I prayed and I just threw them at Him. Then the doorbell rang -and there stood this truly holy woman who has been suffering greatly from cancer. She was recently released from the hospital and on her way home from her first new chemo treatment they were trying. She has very little in life -and yet a heart so full of love and fiat. She said to me that she knew I desperately needed money to complete my travel this summer. I can sacrifice not eating or sleeping outside, in airports or on concrete floors -but unfortunately I still need money to get from here to there. And so she -who we all should be serving as her cross and suffering are great -was standing at my door to console me through her gift -and through it to console Jesus and all the hearts He had prepared for me to bring to Him this summer. She is a missionary like no other -for she prays, she suffers and she offers what she can to help those most in need. She really inspired me. And she died shortly after this visit, having offered her life for her un-Catholic husband to convert... really beautiful. Click here for Bobby's original post. She believed in me:
And so, I leave on June 9th for the Philippines for 2 weeks. It will take me almost 3 days to get there -because I could not afford a more direct ticket. I will be visiting a French Mission where Tomek from Poland is serving. They live in the poorest place of Manila -praying in the morning and spending their afternoons helping the street children (some who live under bridges, etc.), visiting jails, and just loving people.
I will then spend the next 2 months: in Poland, 4 weeks in Russia and a very short weekend in France for the ordination of my hermit friends (a kind, old friend from Notre Dame sent me a ticket so I could be there and meet with all the old 'Children of Mary' people -it will be a prayer reunion.) France:
Russia:
Who said communist Russia wasn't funny?:
Next post I'll write about my Vanya and Kyril... two of my spiritual sons...
There are many people I will meet along the way with many different needs. I don't ask for prayers for myself -I'm sure Jesus will care for me and really what can I fear or need if I embrace suffering as a gift? I only ask for your prayers for those I meet. In this way, we can all be missionaries together -and somehow as I sow your seeds of love and prayer around the earth, new flowers of His Kingdom will begin to sprout in the darkness. These flowers we might not see, but we know and trust that they bloom from His Love... for His Love always bears fruit.
I ask you to please check back in the next week or so, as an opportunity has opened to to perhaps open a House of Prayer among the poor and (CLICK HERE:) I would definitely need financial support for that as well... consider it an extension of my hermitage. Jesus we trust in You. + Fiat. +
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